I know you probably feel that way. After hearing that your teen identifies as LGBTQIA+ or is questioning their gender or exploring their orientation, you might feel like you don’t even know your child anymore! That’s alright.

Let me give you an example. Maybe you’ve noticed something a bit odd with your skin. It’s late at night; you’ve had a hard day at work, and the kids were arguing. You decide to Google your concern about the weird thing on your skin. What does Google tell you? It’s cancer. Definitely cancer. You start feeling anxious, possibly going into “fight or flight” mode after reading through sad scenarios online. But does this guarantee that you have skin cancer? Definitely not.

Adolescence is a curious and fantastic period of life, where teens sometimes goof around and other times fiercely strive for independence. Puberty is the phase when they start leaning more towards their peers rather than their parents. Some things once shared with parents are now discussed with best friends or online. As this happens, you begin to hear more about your teen — things you didn’t have a clue about. The illusion of knowing your child from head to toe shatters. It hurts.

Let your mind travel backward in time to happy memories shared with your child. Dive into the comfort of those emotions. Write them down. Describe your feelings and what your child was like. Were they adventurous, observant, or crafty? Were they a nature lover, a goofball, or fascinated by stories? Continue writing for at least 5-10 minutes. Take your time.

What does the paper look like now? This is the continuity you can perceive. Not everything is about to change. As your teen grows, they gain independence and choose what to share with you. Appreciate what they choose to share. Reflect on how your journey together will continue as new facets of your teen unfold. Include the new things on the paper to become part of your knowledge of your teen. Remember it’s still the same kid. Your kid.